Trivial Couple Fights: For Getting Stuck in Battles of the Technicalities
How to Get and Give More Love In Your Relationship
How to stop trivial couple arguments that involve endless semantics debates – the ones usually started by faulty communication that are pointless and seem to last forever. This is a follow-up episode to last week’s episode which was about better loving - it’s all about a modern condition many couples are suffering in greater and greater numbers: the stupid arguments we get into with our awesome significant others – over stupid little things like corrections and blame.
A Teaspoon of Happy: A Different Approach to Happiness
This is for people in a loving relationship and you’re working to give love BETTER to that person. I have a lot of tools in this one – many of them are for being the most effectively supportive if your partner is suffering and many are for breaking through to an empowered position when powerful emotional patterns take over. The times when intimacy is not fun and you are both struggling to find a path to be loving in the midst of life stress. Because, relationships are very confusing – they’re personal. When two people get intimate, another human becomes a very major your focus – you cannot separate yourself completely when you operate as a pair. And that can make you feel frustrated, overwhelmed and powerless. When it comes to suffering, it can be very difficult to deal – because it’s your life, too.
So that’s the point I am jumping off from in this post. For the good of making love work. There are three parts – the what, the why and the how – the tools. And this one has a lotta tools! So I hope you likee. xox...
Holding Pain: How Toxic Emotions Get Stuck In the Body
If you prefer to listen, here’s the podcast version of this post on Soundcloud and iTunes.
This is a simple post that I offer you as you begin your week. And yes, it’s called “A teaspoon of happy” – just like my blog! What does that mean? It’s super cutesy and girly, yes. It sounds good on a site like Hello Giggles, yes. But it’s actually my methodology – my approach to happiness. Because I think of it as a recipe – one I would like to offer you.
Frustration and Dissatisfaction – I’m not where I want to be and that sucks
If you prefer to listen, here's the podcast version of this post, also on iTunes.
Just like stress can cause you to get a tight knot in the muscles of your back, so too can other parts of your body hold tight to things like fear or anger or even malform due to a particular belief system. Things like a pervasive feeling of lack in life can manifest in physical form in the way we digest food. You’ve probably heard things like this a million times and thought to yourself, “Ha - yeah right!” Because it’s a heady concept and not something you could test with a beaker tube. The power of the mind over the body comes off as super new-agey and therefore we all to often put it in the bullshit pile. But the affects of how we hold onto emotional pain are quite severe, they manifest in disease and damage your gene code for future generations– so in my opinion, why not lean in favor of, “do something about it, regardless” because there’s nothing to lose, everything to gain. OR, even just decide to stay open to what I am saying purely for the sake of practicing openness.
In broad strokes, I will go through some of the connections between emotions we hold onto and where they tend to get stuck in our body- plus a few tools to do something about it. I will post my references at the end of this post but in truth – if you suffer from chronic pain, go to a doctor! And if you suffer severe emotional pain, see a therapist! This is not a substitute for either of those. And just so you know what you’re getting into – this is an episode all about the body, with a whole lot of yoga to soothe particular negative emotions that get stuck in our body. If that doesn’t appeal to you – you probably won’t like this episode– but I will bet you get something valuable out of it regardless...
Attitude Problem: When You're Stuck in Chronic Crankiness
This is for anyone in a place of constant frustration with your current life – wanting to be somewhere in the future or wishing life was better, like it was in the past. Maybe you are working toward some kind of personal growth and you’re getting mad at the slow speed by which it’s happening. Or you’ve been struggling to make something happen for a long time and it’s not happened yet – and because of that you’re getting super bummed out.
I’m doing this podcast in honor of Irene May. My Grandma. Who just passed. And I got to be with her. Which was such an honor – such a blessing in my life. And the reason I chose this topic to honor her, is the role she played in my life. She was one of my favorite people and one of the most inspiring individuals I ever had the privilege to know. So with that, I hope you enjoy...
Ex-Obsessed: For When You're Emotionally Devastated and Driving Yourself Insane
Are you in a state of “I hate this” or “people are morons” or are you just generally over something about life? Well this episode is for anger of all kinds – from crankiness to annoyance, all the way to pure hatred and screw this crap to hell. What I am really addressing is the mental and physical state itself – because it’s not what you want, it can wreak havoc on your body, those around you, and worst of all, it perpetuates itself. Unhappiness cultivates unhappiness. I assume you’re listening to this because you are well aware this is bringing you down and it’s not what you want – but you can’t seem to help yourself out of the situation because there are external factors that make that impossible. So without further ado – there are 3 parts to this puppy – the what, the why, and the how: the tools. Yay. Let’s do this!
The Importance of Being Present
This is for anyone who has just been broken up with or broken up with a person that they felt they loved – and now you’re obsessing and even Facebook stalking this person. Maybe you know this is not helpful but you can’t stop wanting to know what they’re doing, who they’re with, who they’re seeing now and what that person looks like. And that is hurting you even more! But it’s an obsession and you can’t stop.
Firstly – I am so, so sorry you’re here! It's painful but it's temporary. This time will end. You are in the hardest part right now – and the more you can do to be self-loving and be nice to yourself, the faster this will end. I’ve been here myself and it blows. But you can half the time you suffer if you do everything in your power to do what you know is best for yourself. And that includes some healthy tough love when it comes to policing yourself and what you allow your focus to rest on.
This kind of a break up is way worse than most because it’s tied to different chemicals. It's not just about love and loss, it's about a salve: a reliance on an addiction to a soothing part of your life. Because it's chemical, it's hitting you on multiple fronts. With all break-ups, time is the greatest healer – but in addition to that, I want to empower you with some insight into your “why” so that you can begin to separate from the process you’re victim to, currently: the obsessing and salting the wound. So you can see the difference between the kinds of suffering: and see what is NOT truly coming from love. As usual there are three parts. The what the why and the how – the tools.
This is for Chelsea. I heart you girl! Hang in there. xox
Body Dysmorphia: Ugliness in the Eyes of the Beholder
Why soothing your body and reducing the chatter in your brain is the key to your and the world’s ultimate happiness. This is almost like an introduction to my podcast in that it is truly the KEY to every positive change you want to make in your life. It is also the key to happiness and also the key to finding your life’s purpose.
What is it? Ready? Listen intently.
Consciousness: Feeling the feelings that are going through your body as they come. Being fully connected to that awareness and not “occupied” be a roaring sea of thoughts or rapid firing fears and analysis. Sometimes it’s like facing a roaring lion because some terrible awful stuff lives inside us in many moments of our life. Feeling hopeless, or worthless or afraid of what if’s to come. And yet, we must allow ourselves to feel those things - it's the key to building your ultimate life.
This is an episode with three parts. The general what, why, and then as a tool, I end with a meditation.
How to Get Over it: Stop Old Conflicts From Stunting Your Life
We all have an internal self-portrait and that is created by the way we feel about who we are. There are SOOOOO many factors that control how we feel about ourselves and what we perceive as our flaws. And that’s why body dysmorphia is such a big problem: it looks and acts like “normal” self-image concerns. It walks and talks like vanity. And, yet, it destroys the average person’s happiness in so many ways across a lifetime, unchecked. Your self-image is a distorted hallucination – one heavily affected by your fears, vulnerabilities, your brain chemicals, and the way you integrate information from the world around you. AND when it comes to how you view your flaws, it has no connection to how the world views you or your actual physical appearance. That’s one reason this is such a powerful and rising problem: it’s a kind of suffering that’s veiled as “normal” because it affects successful, healthy people. An every-growing percentage of the population is dissatisfied with some or many traits of their physical appearance. When everyone you know obeys the same standard and marketing and media reinforce the irrational bar – how would you ever know there was another option? ...
Jealousy: How to Rise Above Your Weakest Self
This is for people who are aware of when old issues are entering their present and they know they don’t want that to be happening. There are three parts: the what, the why, and the how: tools!
Part 1: The What
Our old memories operate like a trigger/pattern system. Think of it as a pinball machine called “My Pain Game.” The board makes the shape of your brain and it’s populated with all sorts of memories that define who you are, what is allowed to affect you and how you feel. You have a little pinball that lies latent but when it’s triggered – it shoots around your brain and activates different zones of preset emotional processes. Those zones are things like “what I need that I never get” and “why people always disappoint me” and “dark insecurities.”
At the base, there are two little paddles that you use to control this game. Your emotional reaction depends on where you choose to hit this ball. If you hit it hard, it shoots into “more pain and drama” and ricochets off of several new experiences, perpetuating the pain you feel. When you don’t hit it at all, it drops off the board. The point being – you are the one who keeps the ball in play. So when it goes into a certain area, it activates new triggers that are not controlled by you. Those little “hot spots” that shoot it even harder – these emotional hotspots take over the game and the ball will shoot around the table at top speed. The ball makes its way around and back to our spring-lever and what we tend to do – because our position is valid – is shoot it back up again, causing it to replay the series of triggers we have all over our “memory of self.” This reaffirms our position and cements what we don’t want to feel, even more. With repetition these negative roles become our official “identity” which in turn affects how we interact with the world – coloring every new experience to come.
Survival Mode: When Worry Takes Over Your Life
Jealousy, or a perception of your insecurities come to life. How does it sneak into your mind? Your darkest thoughts in your most fearful voice begin scratching at your feelings, dragging you down and causing you to act as your lowest self. You assume you are less than and life is against you somehow. You're either not enough, or something else outside of you is not enough. What is this emotional state? Your lowest form of self, the self that is motivated by fear and hate, put in a threatened defensive position. Think of it as You minus your awareness of what is good and loving in this world. This low emotional self is also called your irrational self. Hopefully, I will offer you a few tools to help you navigate out of this state and back to your highest self: grounded, making decisions from a balanced and sane mindset. There are three parts: The what. They why. The how: the tools...
Love Languages: Overcoming Emotional Baggage So You Can Better Receive and Give Love
Stuck in Survival Mode
For when you can’t stop feeling worried or obsessed with what is threatening your stability in life – a stress response based on past traumas or recent ones, for that matter.
This one is for Heather! I heart you girl – hope this helps the teensiest bit.
Where the Hell is Sarah May?!
This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they care about and wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts more productively. It’s about our emotional baggage – specifically the unmet needs from our childhood, and how those block us from being able to recognize and receive a lot of love being given to us by people in our life, currently. I will focus on the moment we are in pain – and how to step back from it so we can move back into happiness and get more of what we want – which is love and affection.
How to Break Out of a Relationship with a Narcissist
Curious about the radio silence on Teaspoon? Well, that's because I got hitched! Yep. Sarah May is officially off the market. Have no fear - Teaspoon is back and some sweet blog action will be heading out to you shortly. xo MRS. Sarah May B.
We Are the Slashies: 5 ways to Grow as a Working Creative
If you prefer to listen, here’s the podcast version of this post.
This is for a person who filled out my survey – I don’t know your name, but this is for you! I hope it helps. You asked how to break out of the vicious cycle of a narcissistic relationship. Because it can be extremely terrifying and painful and feel much like a hostage situation. The reason is that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist – you know how ruthless and dark their punishing can be. It also goes deep into your heart strings, puppeting you around like a raw nerve. They are master controllers and know exactly what to do to make you do what they want. And also they are WILLING to do it, at all costs. This is 3 parts: the what, they why, plus a few tools to help you get started...
What is a slashie? A person who knows that their day job isn't their real job: a busboy/actor; waitress/screenwriter/photographer; singer/production designer/legal secretary. Your slash is your professional makeup. In other words, most of us - if we are honest with ourselves. Because a creative thinker is many things, today if you are a slashie you are forging a new path in a wide open sea of opportunity, but you likely haven’t solved for that single, money-making passion just yet. But that’s a good thing – unlike how it might feel to a slashie – this stage is part of the process. Slashies are a growing percentage of the workforce because careers nowadays don’t have “work experience.” A creator can build a new app/community/business overnight and because of that, new job definitions are being invented every day. Thanks to equal opportunity of the internet, it’s like a claim-jumper era for creatives with a desire to build something new....
Why The Truth Is Always Personal
Happiness is a thought-habit that for many of us, requires constant maintenance and deliberate focus. Though there are many reasons to feel grateful for our life – they’re all around us all the time - in order to be capable of feeling that value, we need contrast. Contrast meaning the complimentary opposite of gratitude and appreciation: pain or difficult striving. In other words, a constant state of awareness of value (happiness) often arrives from a true understanding of its absence (pain). Without that contrast, it’s easy for life to get stuck in a middle array of emotions – a permanent state of “so-so” or “okay.” When you live in this state for long enough, powerful emotions like gratitude and happiness are assigned to a set of general milestones (birthdays, weddings, getting a promotion etc) but outside of that it can be frustrating to find a true sense of joy. The real kind – that moves you to tears, or sticks in your memory for the rest of your life....
Episode 46: Going Nowhere: When You’re Stuck in a Relationship That Doesn't Give You What You Want
A little rumination on facts and the truth - and the importance of you finding your own truth throughout your life.
What's the Work in Self-Work? Starting the Process of Personal Growth
This is for anyone who is currently romantically involved with someone who is not treating you well and you are taking it, and it hurts. You know it’s not right but you can’t seem to leave it for some reason. This situation betrays your foundational values, and in staying in it, you betray yourself and what’s important to you.
What do you want for your future? Because you get to decide what’s important to you. That’s what this episode is about. Are you tolerating and accepting less than what you want from another? Are you giving more and receiving less? Are you operating on less than a trustworthy bond? Are you dating someone who won’t commit to you or maybe they don’t want the same things you want but you’re still hanging around “just because you don’t have anything better at the moment.” Maybe you are in a committed relationship but you want more – you want better – you want this to go to the next stage: moving in, getting married, or just better treatment – but this person is “complicated” and it’s not how they roll. Maybe you break up occasionally but always end up getting back together. Maybe they decide they need a break and then they come back again as soon as you become too visibly independent....
If you’re out there battling the various stages of doing self-work, or if you’re aware you SHOULD do some of it and you’re kind of freaked out by the idea of it because it sounds too overwhelming, then this is a blog for you! It’s to describe the actual work in self-work, plus the various stages you will likely go through as you progress...