Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our dreams and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything in life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. Just like an addict, you might live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is the backdrop of every moment. And so you self-medicate the fear, work harder, try new ways to become a different person and cling more tightly to what you desperately want...
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This is my personal list of what to look for when choosing a therapist, plus a few basic tactics to attack the task. Take what helps and leave the rest! It’s an amazing and important gift to give yourself and it’s more worth it than anything you will spend money on for the rest of your life – quite simply, because it will change your life – everything about it and everyone in it – for the better.
If you prefer to listen, here's the Podcast version of this post on iTunes and Soundcloud...
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Why sometimes people aren’t honest with us and sometimes we’re not honest with ourselves.
If you prefer to listen here's the podcast version of this post on iTunes and Soundcloud.
This one’s written for a person who contacted me who’s newly single and dating quite a bit. He has a few different partners and has had a lot of difficulty saying he is doing so because it goes against everything he wants in the moment.
I want to talk about honesty and dishonesty and how it comes into play in relationships. So if you’re the type of person who dates and doesn’t tell the other person where you’re really at – or if you’re super jealous and suspicious about your partner and it drives you mad, this is for you.
Read MoreAn Introduction to “The Break-Up Album” my podcast album designed to help you get through your break-up as quickly and unscathed as possible.
Click here to be added to our pre-order mailing list.
Read MoreThis is a reflection exercise to do with a friend, your hubby, or just solo with a pen and paper. It’s a way to look at your growth and foster what you want more of moving forward. It’s also fun with a group at the dinner table. Ready? Cool! Here goes…
Read MoreHi friends! This is the second half of the last episode – all about bettering your outward-facing self to get more of what you want and deserve. This is all about how to ask for a raise and set up conditions that promote the most successful outcome in that conversation and a new job interview.
Read MoreThis is for anyone who is insecure or has a hard time with confidence at work or socially. This is part one of a two part episode. Part two will be solely focused on how to ask for a raise and how to tell someone your value when you apply for a new job. For this post I am going to focus on tools to enable you at work and in life in the face of fear and insecurity. Maybe you are introverted or sensitive, so this prevents you from speaking up or saying what you think. Or maybe when you do assert yourself it hurts to hear what people say back to you that’s critical. Maybe you feel intimidated by those around you and they use that knowledge to make you feel worse.
There are three parts! The what, why, and how – the tools! Whoo!
Read MoreHi loves, this is a reblog from @HelloGiggles from August 26, 2012. All about what I learned from my Grandad, William Bates. xo
Read MoreI know the holidays are just a few days away– which can bring up a ton of uncomfortable feelings, especially if you have not-so-loving-family or in-laws who make you feel excluded or like you’ll tear your hair out. This is for anyone with family who are supposed to be nice but instead, make your relationship difficult. Maybe they constantly divide you and your spouse, instigating arguments – pushing your spouse to take sides or turn against you. Maybe you’ve even tried making peace, being the bigger person and reaching out with different olive branches – but nothing seems to help the situation. The heartbreak and hurt of an unloving, unsupportive family can be excruciating during the holidays – and with all the stress, you might feel like you’re going crazy.
Read MoreEvery struggle bears a rare fruit. It has the power to reveal a very key piece of our personality. Our most difficult challenges become gifts that unlock something amazing about who we really are, something that we have no idea exists yet, a prize reserved only for the effort put forth in a single situation. And it must be earned with bravery: we have to go for it and let go of whether or not we get what we want, in order to do what we know we must. Easier said than done, but when we start to look at life in this way, we soon see how true it really is.
Read MoreIt’s no shocker that working all night and all day with a million different deadlines can lead even the most inspired and motivated individuals to burnout and depression. Careers and schools often demand it, and it becomes the norm – hopefully for only a short time in your life, but regardless – it’s dangerous for your body and soul and can take a toll on the future-you and your success as a professional AND happy individual.
So this is for people who are in creative fields, schools, or professions that require they go hard for extended periods of time – causing them to burnout mentally and motivationally. I have some information to empower you to make better decisions, plus some tools to help you if you’re already stuck in an overworked depression. And ways to temper the stress and anxiety of intense deadlines and assignments moving forward. I know there’s a lot written on this subject but I will offer you a more practical set of solutions so that you can actually implement them starting NOW and not in six months, when “things calm down.”
This one is for my new friend in the Netherlands – Nathalie. xo
There are three parts – the what, the why, the how – the tools.
Read MoreAre you guided by a belief that something is wrong with you? That you’re not good enough, and that you can barely keep people fooled about the fact that you’re smart. Maybe you constantly seek out the likeness of someone worthy but always seem to feel just as worthless as before: you’re never thin enough, you’re not as successful as you’d like to be, or maybe you’re living a life that you KNOW you don’t want but you’re too afraid to do anything about it because it’s going to show the world that you’re a weak and shameful loser. So it’s better to just stay safe, and protected in the lie. Even though you feel suffocated and stifled by this life. Well if this sounds like you then you’re in good company – this is a universal human trait: to feel that we’re not good enough. And that’s because so much of the self is defined by things we learn from others. The brain we use to drive and make money is also the brain that computes risk based on a very specific structure we’ve built via our life experiences. So it’s natural to have grown up with a set of beliefs that are – to say the least – not in favor of your confidence and self-love.
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